My opinion, you still have remnants of ptsd; and I agree it is good to talk about it (and release some of the tension of the memories). If I had lived your life, I would have a measure of your ptsd also. Sometimes people don't realize that one can have ptsd from "good work" that frequently can cause great anxiety-- sort of like resurrecting anxieties when we were younger and when we did not have even words to apply to what we were experiencing and feeling. My belief, as a generality is that much of ptsd comes from our very young youthfulness when we don't have words to describe our internal emotions and what life is like at those moments. So, we experience relief when the horrid times pass, but those times do not get forgotten and lots of us worry somewhat about "deja vu"--will it come back again, and will we find ourselves just as helpless as when we were kids. I think it does come back, and can come back--it can come back in dementia, in altzheimer's, and pre-death (the last days, weeks, months; and for that reason (I've been with many people in the days/weeks before they died. I recall one old woman who had a black toe that the MD wanted to remove. She refused; and a few months later, her toe healed and regained color. But she also died not long after her toe healed. I visited her once in her living room and saw her turn toward the kitchen entry area and stare. And then I saw her look toward the bedrooms hallway and stare. I asked her what she was looking at. And she said to me, "Don't you see them?" (I didn't see them), but I asked her what do you see? She said, "Angels, they are all over the place. They are in the kitchen and in the hallway." I said, "Isn't that wonderful!" "I guess that means they are introducing themselves to you, and that they are going to hang around waiting for the time to take you to heaven. I think that is as good as it gets. What do you think? She said, Y-E-S. She was happy. She was in peace. It reminds me of my mother in law on the night that she died, about 8 hours after our visit. She saw an "Ark" with a stairway going up into it; and she saw herself standing in front of my wife, hiding my wife behind her, because my wife had a lit cigarette in her hand and she didn't want God to see it, for fear that God would send her back down the stairway into the Ark. That was the first time in 25 years I ever heard my Catholic mother-in-law talk about something spiritual. I was grateful. The next morning she was gone. Those two "old ladies" had, I believe, an important preparation for themselves to die in peace and hope; they were not filled with dread. They had hard lives, but not lives of dread.
I accept your diagnosis and prescription. I would also tell you that due to the profound injury of the brain and nervous system by spike from the Covid shots and Covid infection, as well as the lockdowns, there is now PTSD in the general population. Low dose sublingual ketamine is remarkably effective at healing this, but we have other tools such as homeopathic Aconitum Napellus.
Thanks for sharing this thought provoking substack. It brought back many memories. I'm in my 70's and grew up in Chicago and can never remember a time when the issue of race hasn't raised its ugly head. Of course there's always two sides to every story but I so wish the global perspective could be viewed as valuing the whole of Humanity rather than all the differences. And I kind of think things feel more heavy since Covid with the toll it has taken on Humanity on every level.
I still sometimes find it hard to imagine how the powers that be could systemically do so much harm repeatedly. But I still have faith and trust in goodness wherever it may be. Go Humanity!
I can relate to much of your story. I did my pediatric rotation at Columbia Babies Hospital in NYC, right in the middle of Spanish Harlem. The day we arrived, I talked my friends into going for a walk. As we went down the road( Riverside Drive?), many men with brown paper bags began to leer at us and said lewd things to us. I told my friends to ignore them and to keep walking with their heads held high! I could see trees in the distance.. thought it was a park, so we headed there. Turns out my “park” was a cemetery!! We turned around and had to walk the 12 blocks back to the school. By this point, my friends were clinging to each other, and we made that long walk back. Later in that first week we were informed that it was only safe for us to venture out in only a 2 block radius around our campus. I grew up in Willimantic CT and we had a fast growing population of Hispanic people from PR. I. Got to know them and one of my best friends was from PR. So when we went to NYC, I wasn’t afraid but learned to be cautious and careful about my surroundings.
Great post, Scott; thank you. I’ve told two close friends about the LEC in the past two weeks, one with terminal cancer, and one with a severe case of POTS. I’m praying they seek you out.
I cried alongside of your pain as I read your heartfelt message. Thank you Scott, for being YOU, and doing all you can in spite of the sadness and injustice of so much.
This wasn't the reason for which I thought a reader or readers would cancel their Lightning Bug subscription. I just received this message:
"Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God
In vain…
Please do not send me any more notifications
Bc of your offensive language
I’m sorry for you…"
I went to Sunday school. I was confirmed in the Episcopal Church. I'm familiar with the ten commandments.
I am the LORD your God; you shall not have strange gods before me.
You shall not take the name of the LORD your God in vain.
Remember to keep holy the LORD’s Day.
Honor your father and mother.
You shall not kill.
You shall not commit adultery.
You shall not steal.
You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.
You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife.
You shall not covet your neighbor’s goods.
I've never thought to discuss with another person of faith whether because taking the Lord's name in vain was second on the list, if it was more important than not killing people. I'm going out on a limb here, but I think that Jesus would prefer we not kill people more than utilize profanity for instructive purposes.
I was slightly taken a back by the title, but then in my head, I thought "maybe there's more to this essay than the title provides." I'm glad I read it. It was very thoughtful and will help me to be a better follower of Jesus.
I think it saddens the heart of God that his imagers have departed so far from home. I think this is why God provided the sacrifice of Jesus Christ to all those who would receive, believe, come home, and take up the call of image bearing again.
Thank you. Powerful writing.
My opinion, you still have remnants of ptsd; and I agree it is good to talk about it (and release some of the tension of the memories). If I had lived your life, I would have a measure of your ptsd also. Sometimes people don't realize that one can have ptsd from "good work" that frequently can cause great anxiety-- sort of like resurrecting anxieties when we were younger and when we did not have even words to apply to what we were experiencing and feeling. My belief, as a generality is that much of ptsd comes from our very young youthfulness when we don't have words to describe our internal emotions and what life is like at those moments. So, we experience relief when the horrid times pass, but those times do not get forgotten and lots of us worry somewhat about "deja vu"--will it come back again, and will we find ourselves just as helpless as when we were kids. I think it does come back, and can come back--it can come back in dementia, in altzheimer's, and pre-death (the last days, weeks, months; and for that reason (I've been with many people in the days/weeks before they died. I recall one old woman who had a black toe that the MD wanted to remove. She refused; and a few months later, her toe healed and regained color. But she also died not long after her toe healed. I visited her once in her living room and saw her turn toward the kitchen entry area and stare. And then I saw her look toward the bedrooms hallway and stare. I asked her what she was looking at. And she said to me, "Don't you see them?" (I didn't see them), but I asked her what do you see? She said, "Angels, they are all over the place. They are in the kitchen and in the hallway." I said, "Isn't that wonderful!" "I guess that means they are introducing themselves to you, and that they are going to hang around waiting for the time to take you to heaven. I think that is as good as it gets. What do you think? She said, Y-E-S. She was happy. She was in peace. It reminds me of my mother in law on the night that she died, about 8 hours after our visit. She saw an "Ark" with a stairway going up into it; and she saw herself standing in front of my wife, hiding my wife behind her, because my wife had a lit cigarette in her hand and she didn't want God to see it, for fear that God would send her back down the stairway into the Ark. That was the first time in 25 years I ever heard my Catholic mother-in-law talk about something spiritual. I was grateful. The next morning she was gone. Those two "old ladies" had, I believe, an important preparation for themselves to die in peace and hope; they were not filled with dread. They had hard lives, but not lives of dread.
I accept your diagnosis and prescription. I would also tell you that due to the profound injury of the brain and nervous system by spike from the Covid shots and Covid infection, as well as the lockdowns, there is now PTSD in the general population. Low dose sublingual ketamine is remarkably effective at healing this, but we have other tools such as homeopathic Aconitum Napellus.
I'd like to add Ignatia to the homeopathic suggestion as to it's helpfulness with the sense of grief and loss.
Feel free to add more detail Pam, re: strength, dosing, frequency, and your personal experience with Ignatia Amara.
Wow! That hit! Thanks Scott.
Thanks for sharing this thought provoking substack. It brought back many memories. I'm in my 70's and grew up in Chicago and can never remember a time when the issue of race hasn't raised its ugly head. Of course there's always two sides to every story but I so wish the global perspective could be viewed as valuing the whole of Humanity rather than all the differences. And I kind of think things feel more heavy since Covid with the toll it has taken on Humanity on every level.
I still sometimes find it hard to imagine how the powers that be could systemically do so much harm repeatedly. But I still have faith and trust in goodness wherever it may be. Go Humanity!
I can relate to much of your story. I did my pediatric rotation at Columbia Babies Hospital in NYC, right in the middle of Spanish Harlem. The day we arrived, I talked my friends into going for a walk. As we went down the road( Riverside Drive?), many men with brown paper bags began to leer at us and said lewd things to us. I told my friends to ignore them and to keep walking with their heads held high! I could see trees in the distance.. thought it was a park, so we headed there. Turns out my “park” was a cemetery!! We turned around and had to walk the 12 blocks back to the school. By this point, my friends were clinging to each other, and we made that long walk back. Later in that first week we were informed that it was only safe for us to venture out in only a 2 block radius around our campus. I grew up in Willimantic CT and we had a fast growing population of Hispanic people from PR. I. Got to know them and one of my best friends was from PR. So when we went to NYC, I wasn’t afraid but learned to be cautious and careful about my surroundings.
Thanks Scott for your story and song lyrics ❣️
Excellent and thoughtful essay. Thank you for writing and sharing.
Superb essay, Scott. When will you compile these literary gems into a book?
Thank you sir. Yes, that is a question.
Great post, Scott; thank you. I’ve told two close friends about the LEC in the past two weeks, one with terminal cancer, and one with a severe case of POTS. I’m praying they seek you out.
I cried alongside of your pain as I read your heartfelt message. Thank you Scott, for being YOU, and doing all you can in spite of the sadness and injustice of so much.
This wasn't the reason for which I thought a reader or readers would cancel their Lightning Bug subscription. I just received this message:
"Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God
In vain…
Please do not send me any more notifications
Bc of your offensive language
I’m sorry for you…"
I went to Sunday school. I was confirmed in the Episcopal Church. I'm familiar with the ten commandments.
I am the LORD your God; you shall not have strange gods before me.
You shall not take the name of the LORD your God in vain.
Remember to keep holy the LORD’s Day.
Honor your father and mother.
You shall not kill.
You shall not commit adultery.
You shall not steal.
You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.
You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife.
You shall not covet your neighbor’s goods.
I've never thought to discuss with another person of faith whether because taking the Lord's name in vain was second on the list, if it was more important than not killing people. I'm going out on a limb here, but I think that Jesus would prefer we not kill people more than utilize profanity for instructive purposes.
I was slightly taken a back by the title, but then in my head, I thought "maybe there's more to this essay than the title provides." I'm glad I read it. It was very thoughtful and will help me to be a better follower of Jesus.
I think it saddens the heart of God that his imagers have departed so far from home. I think this is why God provided the sacrifice of Jesus Christ to all those who would receive, believe, come home, and take up the call of image bearing again.
Thank you for your openness and thoughtful commentary.